Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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