I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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