God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
