Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
