he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
