There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
