You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need to get me chipped asap
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You left your phone here
Wait...
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