so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
