Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize