I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
