ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
