I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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