I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
