vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
