i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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