Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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