FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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