Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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