It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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