WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
