i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
