He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
