we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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