Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize