I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
