she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
and you fell through a lawn chair
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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