New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
