i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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