I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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