I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
