I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
