Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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