My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
