Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
