You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
