There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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