we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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