Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
