threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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