Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
