At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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