...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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