Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
