Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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