well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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