areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
