she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
