do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
