I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
