You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Never joke about your clitoris.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
