you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
