she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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