just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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