flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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