I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
