Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
