My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Every concussion has its silver lining
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
