considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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