Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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