I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
