Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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